[_____]

I know this is my first post here, and it is a less than good time to introduce myself. This started as an email, and I figured it would be better served here. I am at home now after a very long and difficult night. Cara is still at the hospital, and will be at least tonight, and I plan on spending the evening with her after I get some stuff squared away at the house (stupid dog).

Not really sure what I want to say here, or how to say it. I have had a pretty good mental state for the last few hours, eyes only welling up a few times at songs on the radio on the drive home, unlike yesterday where it was pretty constant. And I think delving too far into last night could make me a blubbering mess if I think too hard.

Cara was amazing last night. Beautiful, poised, confident and strong. A lot stronger than I have been. Maybe it was the fact that she had a feeling of what she needed to do, and I was stuck there holding her hand feeling helpless, but she was incredible. The kids were born between 8:25 and about 10:30 last night. It only took one round of medication, and they came out in the expected order, and with the personalities that have exhibited in the ultrasounds from day 1.

We got to spend an hour or two, I really am not sure, holding the three of them. We have a few pictures, and they may get shown, but I’m not really sure. We were both very excited, and in excruciating amounts of anguish to be with them. They were beautiful, with one looking like me, another looking like Cara, and the third a nice mix of the two of us (though all of them had the big flat Key nose).

At some point about 1am we were taken upstairs to a recovery room, and we were finally able to get a little bit of sleep, though calling it ‘sleep’ may be pushing it. Today was spent doing administration items, meeting with more doctors and nurses, and us doing a lot of crying.

I am sure Cara will do a post at some point today, she may even be working on it now for all I know, but I kinda wanted to have a (little bit of a) voice in this.

To say this was the hardest week of my life may be a bit of an understatement. I’ve hardly eaten, showered or slept since Monday, and I am looking forward to Cara coming home so that there may be some sense of normalcy brought back into our lives.

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This entry was posted in Complications, Delivery, Emotions. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to [_____]

  1. Cheryl Wilson says:

    Cash must be upset because he knows something is wrong with his mama and daddy. He needs special attention and will give you all his love in return. It will be nice to come home to him. I love you both.

  2. Linda says:

    You and Cara are the bravest parents I’ve ever known. There really are no words, so I am just sending out every bit of my love to you. You know I believe I will see our three little Keys when I do get to Heaven.

  3. Jeff Rothal says:

    I know that nothing I say right now will make much of a difference, but I’m proud to call you two friends. Hang in there.

  4. Melody Baggaley says:

    Dear Brendon And Cara,

    I am glad to hear you had some time with your babies though so very brief a time. Normal will probably not be how you will feel for quite a while, I cannot really begin to know how you are feeling, no loss is greater they say then to lose a child……..but three… Please, know that you are loved and cared about and may your grief be comforted by all those who love you.

  5. Zoe says:

    I second Mr. Rothal.

  6. Lorraine Benson says:

    Brendon,
    Thank you for being brave enough and transparent enough to share what you have been going through. If you had just emailed I probably would have missed it. I remember the two hours we shared with Matt and Jessica as their first baby struggled to live. I can’t imagine anything more painful and yet you and Cara had so much more to deal with. I feel that with your willingness to communicate with us that in some small way we ca share your burden of grief. I wish so much that I could be there and just hold you, but I can’t. I love you more than you can know and hope you can feel my hugs. (however virtual they may be)

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