It’s been quiet, I know. There hasn’t been all that much to tell.
Physically, I’m feeling remarkably fine. I’ve had very little pain – no worse than menstrual cramps. I was far enough into the pregnancy that, for the most part, I have felt fitter and more “normal” this week than I had the past couple of months. I lost about half of the weight by the time I got home from the hospital. The one bothersome physical thing has been, well – one’s milk does come in even after just 18 weeks. I’m treating my breasts as though they are bullies: “Maybe if I ignore them, they will just go away.” I read that Sudafed helps to dry things up, and between that and constant containment via sports bra, I think the worst has already passed. I have a follow up appointment with my local doctor the week after next, to make sure everything looks alright.
The emotional part is, of course, tougher. Overall I think we are both doing well.
I’ve packed up all my pregnancy books and maternity clothes and they are out of sight now. I’ve set myself little goals each day, which helps, even if it’s just “unpack three boxes and sweep the kitchen.” I’ve left the house every day but one; today we took the dog down to the ocean and it was lovely.
There are moments when things start to seem basically okay, but then I feel guilty for not feeling terrible all the time.
Next week, we’re headed out of the country. We decided to seek some sunshine therapy, and enjoy a bit of living life. So we’re taking a last-minute getaway to warm, sandy beaches in hopes of totally removing ourselves from everything.
Our triplets’ one week birthday was yesterday. Brendon and I lit three candles and observed the minute of each birth. During those two hours, we allowed ourselves to confront and verbalize a lot of things that we’ve been holding onto privately during the last week. A few things emerged that surprised us. It was very intimate. Painful but fulfilling.
Beatrice, Archer and Collin were cremated on Tuesday morning. We ordered three tiny urns, and we will bring our babies home after we get back from next week’s escape.