St. Lucia

We enjoyed our getaway very much and were glad we went – but, well, still wished we hadn’t. The feeling was bizarre, being in paradise unable to escape how much I’d rather still be in the hospital. Afraid but holding on, instead of trying to heal.

With a view like this, though, it’s tough to dwell on the past.

It’s a good takeaway, to not hate what is past. I need to not be consumed with guilt, with wishing I could go back and change what happened. Not that I can’t allow myself to still be sad… I can, and forever will, still miss them. There’s a lesson, too, if a cliched one: that I can neither predict nor control the course of my life. Not any more so than the huge turquoise ocean or the dark storm clouds stagnated over the island.

The vacation itself? It was low key and relaxing. Lounging. Imbibing. Swimming. Sailing. Having wonderful massages. Thursday night, with fruity rum drinks, we toasted to our babies on their two week birthday.

You know what else? We genuinely had fun. In spite of everything else, including the weather.

We still enjoyed ourselves. It’s not so hard to do.

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